It's been a while...

Yeah, over a month since my last post. Feels like far longer... Anyways, enough with the reminiscing, it's time for a blog post. Today, I looked inside of myself. Not literally, just mentally. It's been one of those days when nothing outside is really putting up with you or getting you involved, so you sort of retreat into your own little world for comfort and peace. Inside, I found... nothing. It was as if everything that I appear to be, everything that everyone else has seen in me was really only ephemeral, evanescent, transparent. Like there's no real substance to who I am. I realized that however colorful or dull a personality I may appear to have to other people, I could not find anything inside to show it. I'm not empty as in devoid of life or thoughts, as I have plenty of both, but there's simply no... divine spark, no soul. I feel like a shell of a person, a mere puppet who does not even know where his own strings lead. I simply can't decide what defines me as who I am. For that matter, I don't really know who I am anymore. I suppose that over the years, I've always been defined by who I've been around and what I've been doing, with the actual substance of self not actually changing, but who and what is that core being? I don't think I really know... Do you?