Thoughts for the Long Nights Ahead

Some days it really hits me how bad things can really get, even when you've think your day has hit rock bottom and you're struggling to reach the surface. When life pushes everything on you at once, one after the other, first with doubt, then confirmation of doubt, and then it shows you how happy everyone else around you is, what do you do? I don't even know how I honestly feel about this anymore. I laugh and joke and interact normally with everyone, but I'm not sure if that's honestly how I feel or if I'm just automatically doing so to protect myself and others. I wish I didn't have so many self-protective measures. Then I could work on other ways to get out of this mess. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately in a sense, my mind closed those paths to me long ago, and there's no way to vent in that direction. I fear that writing will be the only way out, and I hope that in all of my madness, I can at least produce pieces that are worth keeping and treasuring. How ironic that the very people who are the reason for my plight actually side with me... And that my outlet is one I learned from the loss.